Be Careful, That Thing's Sharp!

To be quiet.... ARGH!  It's one of the hardest things to do.  It's hard to listen to people getting it wrong, mischaracterizing you or even out and out lying. I wonder how Jesus did it.  Knowing he held the keys to the kingdom of heaven, how did he bear the slander and lies without putting on a lightning show the world would never forget and saying, "Do you get it NOW?"

I know I'd do that. I remember a few years ago someone was driving me crazy. He was looking for a fight. Well, not really a fight, as that would involve talking to me about the misunderstanding.  He wanted to talk to other people about it. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to set it straight in a bitter manner and demand "Do you get it NOW?" I kept it no secret. I ranted and whined and practiced what I wanted to say until I'm sure my husband wanted a good piece of duct tape to stop the madness.

But from God I was hearing things like, "God is my champion, my defender, my deliverer, my help, my biographer. God knows the truth and sometimes that has to be enough." It was terrible in its wonderfulness.  I didn't know if I were spiritually mature enough to make it through this with dignity.

Sometimes a tongue is best used at rest. Otherwise it behaves like this:

James 3:9-12 "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

My tongue is the hardest thing for me to control and keep still. When I studied James last year, these verses were sort of like those you read past to get to something really meant for you. Today, it's importance astounds me.  'Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?' had to have been born from these verses.

I'm called to do good works that glorify God.  We're all called to bear that fruit. When I talk about God, I want to be believed. I wouldn't lie about God. I wouldn't insult you then try to talk to you about God - or would I?

Do you believe every news story from Fox News, MSNBC, or CNN? Why not? Yellow journalism isn't an oddity - it's the norm. Ever watch a report where they backpedal on everything they told you an hour earlier, because they jumped the gun? Or watch an anchor talk about someone's marital infidelity or divorce as though it's important for you to know? It isn't. It's trash and gossip, which used to be an embarrassing habit.

I was burned on a story about Taiwan a few years ago, and I'll never again share a big news story without doing a little research of my own first. Until it has a second source, I still consider it a rumor. News outlets have allowed their reputation to undermine their fundamental purpose.  To know what is newsworthy and to tell it truthfully.

Romans 1:18 "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth."

I thought this meant to purposefully cover up the truth; doesn't it sound that way? Not allow Bible ownership, or religious worship.  Persecute those that convert to Christianity or participate in Bible study. Or, in our free country - forbid kids to wear Jesus T-shirts, start a battle against wishing people Merry Christmas, or change Christmas to "Sparkle Season."

But this week, it was brought home to me that these verses have everything to do with one another for ME. My unrighteousness suppresses the truth when I destroy the reputation of my tongue. If I've used it to gossip, humiliate, judge, or return hurtful remarks in an argument -  I've revealed a heart of cruelty, not compassion. Compassion is to have sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. Who would glorify God in response to my tongue telling a sweet testimony of God's work, after it's spewed so much bitterness? Who would believe me?

Just as Fox News & MSNBC reveal their true character with the stories they cover, my tongue reveals the true condition of my heart with the things I allow it to say. Even the things I only desire to say are powerful warning lights on my spiritual dashboard. My tongue tells me so much more than it tells anyone else. Perhaps I shouldn't get so upset when I realize someone isn't listening to what I'm saying, if I'm not willing to listen to myself.

Oh, this growing thing is hard........

My Mission - To Eat Our Food!

I promised to share a little of what Jen Hatmaker's book "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess" has done to me inspired me to think about. I realized there are a few areas where I don't just have belongings, I have inventory!

Here are areas I thought of, off the top of my head, where I've acquired an inventory. Some I can donate, some I can use, and some is quite frankly... JUNK. 

Food – I grocery shop almost every week. I can barely fit anything into my canned foods cupboard. Yet, I bring home a little something for that cupboard every single week. My baking cupboard is equally full, though I only purchase stuff to shove in there between October and December 20^th. Except last week, when I bought a variety pack of orange sprinkles for Halloween cookies to bake with my grandchildren. I have a freezer in my basement. I “needed” this freezer to hold the large portion of beef I would buy - of better quality and price than supermarket beef. I also needed to store my garden harvests in there. Well, I've had the freezer for at least 4 years. I haven't bought that beef, and my garden harvest has been nil since 2010. However, my refrigerator broke down 3 times and this was my bestest friend on those days. So... this is revolutionary people... we are going to eat our food! REALLY? Yes, that's my first goal – to eat the food we have. Then, I'm going to unplug the basement freezer until I need it. I love to garden, so that may be next summer. Everything we need will have to fit into my refrigerator freezer.

Crafts & Sewing Items – I have drawers of good quality craft paint. Numerous boxes of plain glass Christmas ornaments. Yards of fabric. Several packages of quilt batting. I'm also behind on family quilt gifts. Three of the six grandchildren received a hand made quilt from me. This means, I still have 3 to make. An apology goes out to Luke, Grace & Conner for my malingering. I'd also like to give one to each of my daughters for couch snuggling. I could make at least 2 just from my stash of fabric. (more, if they'd like them made with Christmas fabric.) I have enough batting to make all of them. Plus I have ribbons, terracotta pots, candles to paint, various wood items to decorate and a HUGE bag of rice to make those snaky things that block drafts under the door. I have little pieces to make angel Christmas ornaments complete with long ringlet blonde, red or black hair. Christmas will have handmade gifts this year. I'll start now so I'm not shelving projects on December 20^th that are half done and running to the store to shop for gifts. I'm also going to make Kindle covers for upcoming giveaways on this blog. I mean... who wouldn't love a Kindle cover made with little snowman fabric?

The Attic – I moved from 840 sq. ft. plus 100 sq. ft. storage to 1780 sq. ft. on the first floor, plus 900 sq. ft. of attic storage and 1780 sq. ft. of basement space. There were 4-5 of us living in 840 sq. ft. 2 of us live in this new space. We also now have a shed and a garage. I have stuff in all those spaces and we've only lived here 8 years. We've stored baby toys, pieces of a crib that will never make a whole bed - but they're pretty and maybe I'll “do something with them,” decorations, furniture with sentimental value, boxes of china I bought at an auction, boxes of video games in languages my current computer doesn't even speak, the old computers that could speak that language, (and may have a component we could use one day – who throws away a computer, for crying out loud? – all said in my husband's voice) and a couple sets of encyclopedias because I always wanted a set and they are a STEAL on the last day of a yard sale. I'm a little sick when I think of what I have in the attic. I hate to throw away things that might have a use, (Yes, you've heard this a hundred times on Hoarders.) but right now its only use is as an obstacle course for the mice, and framework for spider webs. 

My husband's tools – Nope, not allowed to touch those!

Books – Oh, my beloved books. I have some that I don't even want to read, but I sold used books online for a few years and I know they have a value. I have a box of romance novels (not a fan) that I was hoping to make box lots from but I don't have enough of any one author to make them salable. One doesn't throw away old computers or old books around here, apparently.

I have 3 rolling pins. They are all the same, no special uses. One is sentimental. Yes, I have sentimental kitchen ware. I realize rolling pins don't actually deserve an entire paragraph of their own, so I'll add in.... a like-new electric griddle I haven't used in 10 years because I hate how it works, disposable mini bread pans I planned to bake some goodies in to give away, and cookbooks for foods I don't even like... OK, that's a paragraph.

So, I'm in the mood to simplify, reduce, not just reuse but USE, and share. I'm embarrassed about so many things in this article.. not just because I've laid it out there for everyone to examine with disapproval, but because I've allowed myself to look at the bits and pieces and not this entire excessive stash of MY stuff.

If you were to list one area that you have a stash of things... what would it be? What would it take to change that? Share, as it's impolite to let me dangle out here in my embarrassment all alone.

Come back Friday for my post – 'Tis The Season Of Excess and Stress

Since You Aren't Doing Anything Important...

“Since you're home all day, could you...?” “You don't have kids holding you back, so you can do whatever you want, can you....?” “Well, I knew you'd be off today so, can you...?” “They always say busy people get things done, so I thought I'd call you – you're one of the busiest people I know...”

I started a computer services business in 1993, working from home. I had unrealistic expectations of what working from home entails.

Fantasy #1. Wake up, have a relaxing coffee, make breakfast. Get my work done. Go to the bank and deposit the amount of money that covers 150% of my household needs and wants. Have lunch with a friend or my mother. Buy some office supplies. Straighten up the already tidy house. (Pffft!!!) Cook a nice dinner and relax for the evening.

Fantasy #2. The entire family works together on keeping the house up. My work day is 8-4 with regularly scheduled breaks where I would smile at my family members who are all doing their own thing quietly in some other area of the house during my work hours.

The Work At Home Reality – You want to work from home for the freedom it will give you! Your children, regardless of age, are unable to quietly do anything – pour a bowl of cereal, find their socks, dress themselves, pick up the remote control, locate the milk. The amount of errands that need done has multiplied, since you're home. A friend calls you at 10:30 in the midst of a bawling meltdown because she's maybe getting a divorce and everyone else is “at work”.. and she knew you'd be home. A relative and another friend also call daily during your work hours and just have to tell you "one thing" before they'll let you hang up... one very long, emotionally exhausting thing. Your mother wants to go to lunch once a week, because you need a break honey! You spend Tuesday morning at the pediatrician with a child exhibiting signs of strep throat, then pick up the prescription and special foods and spend the rest of the day running to their assistance because apparently the strep has disabled their legs and they can't reach the remote control, a glass of juice, a blanket, a pillow, their stuffed animal or a new roll of toilet paper. At 3 o'clock you vow to at least return phone calls from your business voice mail. At 3:30 the rest of the crew gets home and bursts into your office. You hold the phone to your left ear and wave frantically with your right hand to shush them. They ignore you and continue yelling their news to you through the closet door where you finally retreat – plugging one ear with a finger and getting into the corner farthest from the door. Your potential customer thinks you're an amateur. A lonely client keeps you on the phone for almost an hour while your family eats dinner without you.  You want to go back to work to escape.  Everyone thinks you are "living the dream!"

People didn't respect my boundaries, because I had none. I felt compelled to juggle it all. After all, I wanted to work for myself so I could be there for the important things. I just had no idea there would be so many!

After a day in my “reality”, I wasn't creative enough or energetic enough to market, run and grow my business. I worked into the evenings, but it wasn't my best work. I was angry, frustrated, exhausted. I wanted to “get it done” with the least amount of personal investment necessary because I was tapped out. I no longer had the ability to say no without a reason, or justification that would be “acceptable.” I felt that way for years after the business closed. It had a numbing effect. I expected myself to do MORE with less... always. 

If you won't prioritize and control how you spent my time, others will. You'll feel powerless and resentful. I wasn't my own boss... I had 4-8 bosses spending my time and energy between them. 

Years passed and this Superwoman role became a part of my identity. So had the stress of feeling out of control and on call for emergencies both real and imagined. Some days it became an effort to breathe.

After a panic attack that felt more like a heart attack, I promised my husband things would change. For a time, I avoided people since I didn't know how to say no. I'd led everyone to believe I'd always “be there” for them. I started to say no to everything, but I felt I needed an excuse to say no. 

I knew I had to find the power to make my own decisions. I stepped out of the hub of this wheel and tried to connect all those people to one another – encouraging them to lean on each other for a little while.

Eventually most people forgave me for this, but some have had hurt feelings. They've felt abandoned and unloved. They felt “pushed off” on other people. I said no to almost everything – going from one extreme to another as they saw it. 

It took several years before I could say yes or no honestly. Changing direction was hard, but it was way past time for me to grow up and act like an adult in my own life. Not carrying the weight of the world has reminded me that only God can be God in the lives of others. When people are not able to comfort us, God comforts us best and helps us to change.

How can you know who you are if your entire life is lived at the will of the people around you? If you've not made the decisions for the direction your life would take? If you deny the things that would be “best” in order to serve the things that are only “good?” If you've never taken the time to identify them for yourself? 

For one week - take 15 minutes each day to sit quietly with pen and paper. Ask yourself and God – Am I saying “yes” when I should say “no”? If I said “no” to those things... what things would I be free to say “yes” to? Come back and share your “best” list with us!