Be Careful, That Thing's Sharp!

To be quiet.... ARGH!  It's one of the hardest things to do.  It's hard to listen to people getting it wrong, mischaracterizing you or even out and out lying. I wonder how Jesus did it.  Knowing he held the keys to the kingdom of heaven, how did he bear the slander and lies without putting on a lightning show the world would never forget and saying, "Do you get it NOW?"

I know I'd do that. I remember a few years ago someone was driving me crazy. He was looking for a fight. Well, not really a fight, as that would involve talking to me about the misunderstanding.  He wanted to talk to other people about it. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to set it straight in a bitter manner and demand "Do you get it NOW?" I kept it no secret. I ranted and whined and practiced what I wanted to say until I'm sure my husband wanted a good piece of duct tape to stop the madness.

But from God I was hearing things like, "God is my champion, my defender, my deliverer, my help, my biographer. God knows the truth and sometimes that has to be enough." It was terrible in its wonderfulness.  I didn't know if I were spiritually mature enough to make it through this with dignity.

Sometimes a tongue is best used at rest. Otherwise it behaves like this:

James 3:9-12 "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

My tongue is the hardest thing for me to control and keep still. When I studied James last year, these verses were sort of like those you read past to get to something really meant for you. Today, it's importance astounds me.  'Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?' had to have been born from these verses.

I'm called to do good works that glorify God.  We're all called to bear that fruit. When I talk about God, I want to be believed. I wouldn't lie about God. I wouldn't insult you then try to talk to you about God - or would I?

Do you believe every news story from Fox News, MSNBC, or CNN? Why not? Yellow journalism isn't an oddity - it's the norm. Ever watch a report where they backpedal on everything they told you an hour earlier, because they jumped the gun? Or watch an anchor talk about someone's marital infidelity or divorce as though it's important for you to know? It isn't. It's trash and gossip, which used to be an embarrassing habit.

I was burned on a story about Taiwan a few years ago, and I'll never again share a big news story without doing a little research of my own first. Until it has a second source, I still consider it a rumor. News outlets have allowed their reputation to undermine their fundamental purpose.  To know what is newsworthy and to tell it truthfully.

Romans 1:18 "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth."

I thought this meant to purposefully cover up the truth; doesn't it sound that way? Not allow Bible ownership, or religious worship.  Persecute those that convert to Christianity or participate in Bible study. Or, in our free country - forbid kids to wear Jesus T-shirts, start a battle against wishing people Merry Christmas, or change Christmas to "Sparkle Season."

But this week, it was brought home to me that these verses have everything to do with one another for ME. My unrighteousness suppresses the truth when I destroy the reputation of my tongue. If I've used it to gossip, humiliate, judge, or return hurtful remarks in an argument -  I've revealed a heart of cruelty, not compassion. Compassion is to have sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. Who would glorify God in response to my tongue telling a sweet testimony of God's work, after it's spewed so much bitterness? Who would believe me?

Just as Fox News & MSNBC reveal their true character with the stories they cover, my tongue reveals the true condition of my heart with the things I allow it to say. Even the things I only desire to say are powerful warning lights on my spiritual dashboard. My tongue tells me so much more than it tells anyone else. Perhaps I shouldn't get so upset when I realize someone isn't listening to what I'm saying, if I'm not willing to listen to myself.

Oh, this growing thing is hard........

Are We Trying to Communicate? Or Audition for a Reality Show?

Nothing can hinder change of heart more than being personally attacked. When our thoughts are attacked and our character slandered, everything our attacker says is suspect. If they are so wrong about who I am, they don't have much credibility. After all, I'm not an expert on much, but I've lived with me longer than anyone else has. 

When we're attacked and misunderstood, we dig in our heels, get our hackles up, stick to our guns, our story, our plan. We grow our backbone, stiffen our resolve, close our minds, put up walls and a million other clichés to say we protect our beliefs in a determined and stubborn way.

It isn't always because we hate to be wrong. Sometimes it's very exciting to discover I've been wrong. It means I've learned something and grown. I have a hard time admitting I've been wrong when I feel someone is out to destroy me, though. As though they don't really have an interest in sharing information, but solely in proving they are right and I'm not, making sure I cannot leave the conversation with any sense of dignity. They want me to know I've been pwned lost.

It would be easy to say those people are just jerks. And sometimes I've said just that. Sometimes I've used stronger language, rolled my eyes and wholly helped them to continue and actually expand on this obnoxious behavior by pushing back – hard! But this lack of civility is childish and immature.

Instead of valuing the possibility of sharing insight and knowledge, our culture values the opportunity to humiliate other people in order to puff ourselves up. Look at reality television and you'll see our culture actually considers this horrible trait entertaining!

It's been very difficult to find people to learn from. I'm on this journey to understand and get a personal grasp on what's important to people ideologically different from myself. It takes plenty of humility (yeah, this is a place where I'm growing – and I started as a tiny mustard seed, so I may be only the size of an acorn about now). I remind myself I want to get past the frustration, anger and hard protective shells to the REAL man or woman. 

Unless we're going to become a country of sequestered cliques, only talking to the people deemed worthy to be in our circle, thinking exactly like we think, stroking our egos with their agreement and never putting ourselves in the other girl's shoes... we have to grow up. We have to get in there and open ourselves up to the criticism and show a different way of communicating... by practicing the “listening” part – not just to twist a sound bite, but to grasp a deeper understanding.

Racism is born and raised in ignorance. One would hope we've learned this, but our continued attachment to believing people are just subsets of groups, instead of individuals, reveals we've just shifted our target to a different group. We insult, humiliate, and slander one another. We stereotype and blame entire groups of people for the actions of one or just a few. We're too lazy to get to know people, instead assigning a label and saving ourselves the time and effort of making our own decisions.

“Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves.” - Lord Byron

Nothing proves this point more than when someone comes face to face with someone who defies all their prejudices... one of two things happens. They either ridiculously try to reveal that this is all a ploy and deep down they really do fit the stereotype though there is no evidence of it, or they stand slack jawed and silent... because they never really considered this to be a possibility.

Last minute addition to this post - I'm not alone... look what I found Bullies, Politicians, Me. Same same?

Envy, Rivalry & Bridge Jumping

Isn't it curious that we can appear to be envious of something that, in truth, we would never want to have?

I'm sure you know this story.  There's a guy or girl at work that just never seems to get what they have coming to them.  Late to work, calls off sick with that "morning after" illness, does more chatting than working, and exhibits some other negative qualities that we would be embarrassed for people to see in us... yet she has no problem with the reputation it gets her with her coworkers.  If her coworkers were boss - she'd be fired - after she was properly humiliated, of course.

Or maybe you have a sister or brother that doesn't work as hard as you, doesn't pay his bills on time, overindulges on the things he wants and mom and dad bail him out time and time again.  Perhaps with what you believe is your inheritance!  Don't worry about that... your parents are leaving your inheritance to the humane society, or perhaps to a foundation to benefit people who can't drink milk.  Hey, they're our parents - they do weird stuff, right?

We wouldn't want to be in the shoes of these slackers - because, quite frankly, they stink... although... probably not since they have a selection of shoes that make you drool and they never wear the same pair twice.  (In all likelihood that is where your sister's mortgage money really went.)  But, in all truth - we don't want to be like that... it just ticks you off that they get away with it.

I have news for you (the kind of news that makes you change the channel, unfortunately).  It's all sibling rivalry.  One way or another they are our siblings on this planet - even if we don't share genetic material.

I know a guy (I'll call him Dave) that wanted this one particular job so bad.  He finally got it.  He hates it.  He likes the work.  He likes the hours.  His boss pays him well.  His boss appreciates his work and he lets him know.  Dave hates his job because he's jealous.  He's jealous that another guy (I'll call him Lou) talks too much, kisses up to another boss and that boss is happy to accept the ego boost, calls off work more often than he should and doesn't give 100% in the work place.  Dave has no respect for Lou and desperately wants him to get what he 'deserves'.

Lou's behavior doesn't impact Dave's job.  His workload doesn't increase because Lou is a slacker of sorts.  But... Dave spends an inordinate amount of time watching for Lou's screw ups and bothering his boss with the tattling.  Dave is also so angry at Lou that he blows up at him - going so far as to "invite" Lou out to the parking lot.  Dave was in line to become a foreman, but his jealousy has cost him the respect of the other employees and he will be passed over when the time comes to name a foreman.  Dave is 45.  Lou is 26.

Dave doesn't want to be anything like Lou, nor would he want people to think of him as Lou is generally thought of.  It isn't Dave's company.  He and Lou are work-siblings.  Dave is paid well.  He could just ... let it go...  But he has let this ruin a job that was perfect for him.

Another situation... two sisters...  Beth is married to a wonderful guy.  She has 2 children - 17 & 21.  They are well adjusted.  She has a beautiful home.  She's pretty, thin, educated and successful by worldly accounts.  Jackie has 2 kids in their early 20's.  One is an irresponsible single mother with an attitude problem and the other has had frightening mental health and addiction issues.  Jackie is overweight, broke, raising her grandchildren, and would give you the shirt off her back.  Beth probably would as well - but it costs Jackie more to do so, and she wouldn't tell other people about it later.  Jackie's dad helps her and her kids out - financially as well as other ways.  While acknowledging that she would never want to be in that situation, Beth is really angry that her sister is getting this help.  An outsider would presume that Beth doesn't feel her sister deserves anything good in her life at all, since there is obviously so much that is hard in Jackie's life.

Even the apostle Peter said to Jesus, "What about him?  What does he have to do?" in reference to John.  Jesus' reply was to tell Peter it was none of his business what Jesus would have John do... Peter was to do what Peter was told to do.  In other words, Peter... "If John jumped off a bridge, would you want to jump off a bridge too?  Mind your own business!"

How much of our life's misery is caused by sibling rivalry.  Rather than gratitude for our own blessings, we resent that someone else is getting something we feel they don't deserve.  In truth... and in the eyes of OUR siblings... how much do we, in fact, deserve the good things that are in our lives.