The Champions, The Damsels and Church

Some time ago, I had a conversation with a couple men about why people don't go to church.  There was quite a list, and then they revealed their personal reasons.  Both had church going wives, but they didn't attend.

"I spend all week with difficult people.  I'm peopled out on Sunday."

"Organized religion is filled with hypocrites.  Church should help people, but instead they are judgmental and just after money.  There's no humility."

In truth, both of these men have been deceived.  Each believes it does no good to go and does no harm to not go.  They've been convinced of the lie that this decision somehow serves them.  In truth, they aren't benefiting, but being deprived.  Deprived of the growth, development, respect and blessing God has for them in being the strength, the warriors, the brave men they were intended to be.  Their wives are sent without their champions into an arena these men dare not enter.

This deception deprives the men, their wives and their daughters.  They set in motion a family tradition of men denying their role as leader, as a strong one.  Instead of receiving their inner strength and validation from the God who created them with those attributes, they settle for shallow validations.  Validations from their careers, political opinions, and appreciation from their wives and family are just a few.

In truth, they abdicate their throne and leave it to God and other men to champion their wives and children.  Men who aren't afraid to enter the church, to grow, to challenge themselves, to be adventurers, and willing to carry the weight of providing spiritual nourishment to their hungry wives.  On Sunday mornings all across this country, those hungry wives set out alone as their providers sleep on Sunday morning.

The biggest deception the enemy manages to pull off is convincing men that this "choice" has been made from a strong determined will and the wives and children are similarly convinced.  In actuality, our emperors are wearing no clothes.

But women are not defenseless.  God is our champion, defender, bridegroom.  He stands with our lonely hearts and fills them as we stand in a pew filled with couples  He nurtures, cares, strengthens and protects us.  He is a lover to our soul, capable of intimacy beyond any human being.  After the disappointment of going to church alone joins our comfy homes and sleepy husbands in our rear view mirrors... we feel genuine sorrow that our champions snore through the epic adventure of their lives. 

6 Mother's Day Gifts To Give Your Children

It may be the best gifts for your family this Mother's Day are given by Mom.

1. Room To Breathe and Grow. It's been our job to protect them with baby gates and bicycle helmets. During the teen years, words became our safety tools as we set boundaries and explained consequences. They become adults and the consequences are more serious. We panick that we haven't dispensed wisdom to fit every situation. We offer unsolicited advice in every conversation. There's no air in the room as we press our suggestions onto their lives. Wisdom is born of trial and error. A lecture isn't a shortcut. Your daughter needs to try it her way, sometimes making mistakes. It's the only way for her to experience growth of her own.
   
   
2. A Mom Without A God Complex. My mother once told me, “Your children have a higher power and it isn't you!” During their childhoods, we bandage boo boos, feed hungry bellies, and buy new shoes when they ruin theirs in mud. This cannot continue throughout their adult lives. We can't fix everything, nor can we absorb the pain of a car repair bill, a kid with the flu or the boss laying them off. Learning to roll with the punches reveals that normal trials and difficulties aren't injustices. If you're losing sleep because your son is overwhelmed, you've crossed a line. You believe you're responsible for how everything impacts him. Chances are you've passed this misconception on and he believes it's your fault when he's miserable.
   
   
3. An Example. Do you want your daughter to value her unique abilities? Respect and develop your own. Do you want your son to respect women? Maintain healthy boundaries with the men in your life. Do you want your children to be authentic and avoid the manipulation of codependent relationships? Take inventory of your own mental health with the help of a competent counselor. If your family has a common unhealthy habit, seeking advice from one another is rarely going to produce a revelation. Obtain the tools necessary to live a healthy life instead of sinking comfortably into family-wide dysfunction. Learn to live healthy, so they have an example to follow.
   
   
4. Freedom From Manipulation. Guilt and shame are often used to get a desired response from adult children. You may be able to guilt trip your son into dragging his family to weekly Sunday dinners, or doing holidays your way. The result will be resentment. It may be spoken, or it may fester quietly within him, and his wife. Loosen your grip and allow him to make his own family traditions. Be open to conversations that lessen the pressure to do what you want. You may find him rediscovering the pleasure of your relationship instead of reconciling himself to constant obligation.
   
   
5. Love the Spouse. Our kids aren't our clones. Your son knows the woman he fell in love with in ways you don't. Your daughter sees strengths in her husband you may never see. If you don't support your son's commitment to his wife and family, nothing good will come of it. You'll be a source of contention in the marriage, or you'll find yourself brokenhearted when your daughter-in-law doesn't trust you with the grandchildren. You taught your children to be loyal – don't make them choose between two people they love. This is especially important in an unhealthy relationship. Recognize when your advice begins alienating your child and back off! Ensure you will be there when she needs you to see her through a painful breakup.
   
   
6. Humility. Motherhood is the most important job we'll ever have. You can't just quit and get new children. Your mistakes stay in your employee file, i.e., your child's memory. In this culture, we analyze our childhoods as never before. You try your best, make sacrifices for your children, and still find yourself being judged harshly. It hurts. We get defensive. Our apologies carry excuses or accusations of oversensitivity.
   
   We say, “I'm sorry I forgot to pick you up after soccer practice, but I was stressed out and had a lot on my mind.” Instead of, “I'm sorry I forgot to pick you up that day. I'm still embarrassed by that.” Be truthful; an insincere apology is easily seen through. Put your pride aside. It's another opportunity to set an example.
   
   A little forgiveness for your own mother wouldn't hurt either.

A Perspective on Motherhood

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength." Mark 12:30

If you're anything like me, you see raising your children as the most important job you'll ever have. After all, what they learn from you goes on generation after generation; be it simple traditions or convictions fundamental to the family's identity.

My Granny baked a simple dessert we all loved - Hungarian Fruit Squares. It was made on a cookie sheet with a crust similar to a sugar cookie-shortbread combination, spread evenly with canned fruit topping and a pretty dough lattice top. Blueberry was my favorite flavor, but she also made cherry and my aunt now makes it with fresh apples. It's now being made for my grandchildren to enjoy. In-laws all along the way have loved it as well.

My mother passed that recipe on, but more important than the recipes are the lessons she taught us. They're part of who I am, and not neatly documented on a butter-stained recipe card. Their impact is much more significant, however.

So, yes, motherhood is worth doing to the best of your ability. Children are entrusted to us by our Maker. Raising them requires a ton of self sacrifice and effort. Sometimes it's a labor of love and others a labor completed through nothing less than God-given strength. But sometimes it twists into a form of idolatry.

WHAT?!?! Yes, I said idolatry, and I meant it. An excessive devotion to our children becomes the driving force in our life, not God's will. Growing and developing ourselves beyond the umbrella of motherhood seems almost unfaithful, and we tune out any possibility that we are called to do just that.

An ungodly love for our material blessings is obvious. If we defined our identity as "owner of these material blessings God gave to me", we'd choke on the words. Yet, mothers do so all the time. We reach the end of our child rearing years and struggle to figure out who we are. We have no sense of individual identity, and never consider this isn't the way it should be. Motherhood consumed our identity, like any other false god would do.

If we love my children with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my mind, and with all my strength - we've given to them God's portion of us. Not only do we idolize them, but we interfere with God's provision for them.

When I struggle, I turn to God. In my sad, lonely, broke, frustrated, confused, angry and lost moments, God gives me peace that passes understanding. His spirit is my counselor, comforter, friend and physician. He intends for me to trust and depend on Him.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you. (I Peter 5:6-7)

What I receive when I go to Him is His response. Our relationship develops into something extraordinary. His wisdom and mercy heal whatever brokenness I am going through.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

As a mother, we must be examples of women in relationship with God. That relationship requires responding to God's leading in our lives, according to His will. It cannot be a relationship that is peripheral to the center stage of our children.

I Am Out of the Box

I will never again climb into a man-made box that was built to keep me small and crippled. God set me free, and I ran to Him with all the joy of a woman escaping her abductor. I laughed while dancing in His presence. I played at His feet like a carefree child, knowing He's the King and I'm not his peasant – I'm his daughter. He watches over me, and He's got His eye on you.

Wherever I go, He goes with me. When you choose to see me as a weak, vulnerable woman, you should perhaps “zoom out” and get the full picture. Yes, I appear small. You see me as an easy target, thinking my kindness, or your intimidation tactics, will prevent me from fighting back. Yet standing over me with His power and protection is a God so big that I'm transformed. This woman is bold, courageous, and strong. I am my Father's daughter.

He's put his arm around me and pointed out the path I'm to take. You weren't there for that, because frankly – it wasn't your business. He said, “Daughter, you can do this. I made you for this. Your heart hungers for it. It was always my intention for you. I'll equip you with what you need as you need it. Don't wait around for people to join you. You'll bump into many traveling companions along the way, but I'm your soul mate for this journey.”

So, I don't have big muscles, a deep voice or a commanding presence. You may think little of the opinions I hold, the intelligence I possess or the work I do. But in my soul is a bold fire. Tucked into these pretty shoes are strong heels designed to dig in. Over my shoulder is a God of incredible power. I see your foolish wiles because He's flooded me with wisdom and insight. I'm no longer afraid of that little box you keep pushing toward me. It's just not big enough to hold all of this!

Letter To My Granddaughter

Dear Gracie,

Life is an epic adventure. There will be exuberant laughter and tears of brokenness, peril and security, exhilarating mystery and introspective stillness. Preparation and completion – equally important. Knowing your identity is necessary when choosing to sacrifice for another. You will need both strength and humility. Embrace balance and grow through every experience, sweet Gracie.

God holds the key to your identity, and it's truly fascinating and thrilling to meet your true self. He made you interesting in your own right. You are not the stage setting of another person's show. If your calling is one of poverty and service, answering that calling is the only time you will feel truly alive. Don't throw it away when you fall in love. It's sacrilege to worship your man instead of God. It's idolatry to sacrifice God's design for your life to another human being. To be completely frank, you'll become a shadow of the living, breathing, vital, exciting woman he fell in love with.

Your true self will not be denied. Whoever Grace is – she will break down every barrier and burst through all the chains you or others try to contain or imprison her within. It's easier to never deny her in the first place than to clean up the mess when she “gets out”. And she will get out. She may resemble a wild-haired, wild-eyed, rebellious hellion if you make her work too hard for it. This will require an adjustment period for people you love most, until she settles down a bit.

One last thing... consider the wisdom of your mother carefully. The more it annoys you, the closer you should pay attention. Set your pride and brilliance aside for a moment and see what you can learn. Her epic adventure has made her wise. Your mother's love may be the purest human love you ever experience. When you look back at the times you thought she was clueless - you'll appreciate the wisdom in her patience. You'll marvel at the self control enabling her to resist slapping the arrogance right off your smug little face. Humility will serve you well in your relationship with your mother.

Love,
Granny