DO NOT HIT ME

Large reflective silver letters, the kind you see on a mailbox, strung across the bottom lip of her trunk lid. DO NOT HIT ME. What possesses a woman to stick that onto her car, and does it really work? If so, should we then put warning symbols and messages on various parts of our car? Maybe a warning on the side of your car that says, “Don’t bump me with your door!” or perhaps “Don’t run over my head.” on motorcyclists helmets.

Do you happen to worry about that?  I see people tailgating a motorcycle and all I can think is… he's one pothole away from sliding out and having his head run over. Back off!!!  WIWWP. You may not be familiar with this set of initials... there is WWJD, LOL, FBI and WIWWP - What Is Wrong With People?

Saturday, we were melting in 90+ degree heat, and humidity that was almost to the comfort level for guppies, at my grandson’s 5th birthday party. Old people were fainting in the yard, mothers so slick with sweat babies were sliding out of their arms onto the ground, hello hugs were given with tiny fingertip taps on one another’s back in order to avoid actually touching a sweaty loved one.
We hooked the lawn wagon up to the quad, put about 4 inches of hay in it, to absorb the bumps for those bony little bums, and covered the hay with sheets to protect the little girl legs in their summer sundresses, and we called it a hay ride. 5 children fit in the 3’ X 3.5’ wagon. 2 - 5 year olds, a 3 ½ year old, and 2-one year olds. Could’ve fit 6, but one 3 year old little girl was wrapped around her poor mom’s blue jean decoupaged clad leg. We rode through the yard, down the driveway a bit, then took a trail through the woods to a large clearing, turned around and came back… Birthday boy shouting FASTER! The one year olds with their arms stretched out along the tops of the wagon as though they were old men riding on the back of someone’s golf cart. One last bumpy turn through the yard where we found my husband with his new water gun. (Target is clearancing their larger water guns, should you be looking for a good buy) "Grandad" turned our hay ride into a water adventure as we drove past.

Earlier a 5 gallon bucket had been filled with water so the kids could fill their squirt guns for a ‘knock down the cup’ game. On the fly, we found that the water guns weren’t powerful enough to knock down the cups, so they turned them on each other. And then… cups were found, and pandemonium ensued. Decoupage girl was hit square in the face with a full glass of water. She turned around and her cup was dropped dramatically to the ground, almost in slow motion as her disgust was fully displayed. I ran over, grabbed the cup, adventured to the bucket and filled it for her - so she might exact her revenge. As I turned to hand it to her… shplash… no good deed goes unpunished, one of my own grandsons emptied a full glass onto the small of my back.

The bucket was refilled at the hose, and moved back to where the children stood waiting, anticipating, water dripping from their drowned rat cute little faces. 2 refills later, the kids realized that the spigot was on, and all they had to do was twist the nozzle and… and… all hell broke loose. Birthday Boy started to innocently fill the bucket but then took to giving any squealing girl or nuisance 3 y.o. brother a good squirt in the face. Or a granny a squirt in the back as she stood talking to an adult… Bwahahahah - I could hear it inside his head.. He was pleased with himself.

When he learns to read - I’m putting those big reflective letters across my bum - DO NOT SPLASH ME, OR I WILL MAKE YOU EAT REAL FOOD FOR DINNER AT MY HOUSE!