DO NOT HIT ME

Large reflective silver letters, the kind you see on a mailbox, strung across the bottom lip of her trunk lid. DO NOT HIT ME. What possesses a woman to stick that onto her car, and does it really work? If so, should we then put warning symbols and messages on various parts of our car? Maybe a warning on the side of your car that says, “Don’t bump me with your door!” or perhaps “Don’t run over my head.” on motorcyclists helmets.

Do you happen to worry about that?  I see people tailgating a motorcycle and all I can think is… he's one pothole away from sliding out and having his head run over. Back off!!!  WIWWP. You may not be familiar with this set of initials... there is WWJD, LOL, FBI and WIWWP - What Is Wrong With People?

Saturday, we were melting in 90+ degree heat, and humidity that was almost to the comfort level for guppies, at my grandson’s 5th birthday party. Old people were fainting in the yard, mothers so slick with sweat babies were sliding out of their arms onto the ground, hello hugs were given with tiny fingertip taps on one another’s back in order to avoid actually touching a sweaty loved one.
We hooked the lawn wagon up to the quad, put about 4 inches of hay in it, to absorb the bumps for those bony little bums, and covered the hay with sheets to protect the little girl legs in their summer sundresses, and we called it a hay ride. 5 children fit in the 3’ X 3.5’ wagon. 2 - 5 year olds, a 3 ½ year old, and 2-one year olds. Could’ve fit 6, but one 3 year old little girl was wrapped around her poor mom’s blue jean decoupaged clad leg. We rode through the yard, down the driveway a bit, then took a trail through the woods to a large clearing, turned around and came back… Birthday boy shouting FASTER! The one year olds with their arms stretched out along the tops of the wagon as though they were old men riding on the back of someone’s golf cart. One last bumpy turn through the yard where we found my husband with his new water gun. (Target is clearancing their larger water guns, should you be looking for a good buy) "Grandad" turned our hay ride into a water adventure as we drove past.

Earlier a 5 gallon bucket had been filled with water so the kids could fill their squirt guns for a ‘knock down the cup’ game. On the fly, we found that the water guns weren’t powerful enough to knock down the cups, so they turned them on each other. And then… cups were found, and pandemonium ensued. Decoupage girl was hit square in the face with a full glass of water. She turned around and her cup was dropped dramatically to the ground, almost in slow motion as her disgust was fully displayed. I ran over, grabbed the cup, adventured to the bucket and filled it for her - so she might exact her revenge. As I turned to hand it to her… shplash… no good deed goes unpunished, one of my own grandsons emptied a full glass onto the small of my back.

The bucket was refilled at the hose, and moved back to where the children stood waiting, anticipating, water dripping from their drowned rat cute little faces. 2 refills later, the kids realized that the spigot was on, and all they had to do was twist the nozzle and… and… all hell broke loose. Birthday Boy started to innocently fill the bucket but then took to giving any squealing girl or nuisance 3 y.o. brother a good squirt in the face. Or a granny a squirt in the back as she stood talking to an adult… Bwahahahah - I could hear it inside his head.. He was pleased with himself.

When he learns to read - I’m putting those big reflective letters across my bum - DO NOT SPLASH ME, OR I WILL MAKE YOU EAT REAL FOOD FOR DINNER AT MY HOUSE!

Sunday, we were on our way to Florida. We stopped at Applebees for dinner around 4 o'clock.  I sat in our little booth, looking out the window at the parking lot and realized - there were no Jeeps there. (I'm missing my Jeep)  Then I realized why.  The Jeep people were out driving their Jeeps and having too much fun to stop for dinner.  I was so jealous.  Yes, I was getting to drive my husband's new company truck - gorgeous Ford F-250, blue with lotsa Chrome.

Chrome is capitalized because it's... well, it's Chrome!

But it wasn't my new used Jeep.  I'm concerned about Jack, my Jeep.  My Civic was the ultimate in mouse housing, it would seem.  I moved a family of babies out of my spare tire, and ultimately killed 10 of them.  Another soon moved in, and it was a constant battle.  I'm thinking of undercoating Jack so that the smell deters the nesting instinct of the more discriminating mousketeers.  Does anyone have any tips for mouse annoyance?

The New Jeep

I drove the Honda to the car lot last Thursday.  Our last ride together on the way to pick up my new used Jeep Grand Cherokee.  Sinead (that's the Civic's name - yes, my cars have names and so does my piano) hugged the curves and zipped along - that's what Civics do - they zip.  A camaro zooms, a corvette sails, and a Jeep... a Jeep?  A Jeep powerfully climbs over the pavement.  Just the word Jeep makes you feel like you can climb mountains inside your vehicle.  Air conditioning suddenly seems sissified.  I'm thinking that because for the first time this summer, on a really hot day, my husband put all the windows down, opened the sunroof and turned off the A/C for our ride Sunday.

Yesterday my Jeep & I rumbled down the interstate to visit a relative in the hospital.  I realized that if I wanted to, I could back into a space simply by pulling in and just climbing over the two parking "stoppers" into the parking space in front us.  I could easily clear them.  I didn't do that (the lot was too full), but I COULD have!  I felt unstoppable.

I have a tow hitch on the back.  This means that I could just go buy a boat, if I had the money, and tow it myself.  No more bothering my husband to pick up stuff in his truck... I could buy a little trailer and haul it myself!  I could chain my Jeep to the decorative pillars on a mean person's porch and just pull them off, if I wanted to.  Yes, that's what I said. 

I can go to town this winter in 4 inches of snow, where the Honda wimped out in 1 inch.

I have a bad feeling that I'm going to run the wheels off this Jeep because it's just too fun to drive.  I wake up trying to think of places I need to go to, instead of procrastinating everything into one practical trip.

I think I need to drill for oil - this Jeep could get a little expensive, but Oh is she worth it!