My Telephone is Plotting Against My Sanity

16 months ago, we had a power surge that took out our computers, the motion sensitive light at the garage, our telephones and the satellite dish receiver.  Our neighbor lost his television and electric meter - he was closer to the impact point where a 65 foot tree fell onto power lines, crossing two major lines.

The electric company was not to blame because it wasn't rooted within their "right of way".  The property owner is the state of Pennsylvania and we all know responsibility has been removed from all dictionaries used by everyone with a position of power in the state or federal government.  Local government dictionaries still contain the word, but the responsibility always seems to be that of an unknown individual without an actual working telephone.  This person never picks up his or her messages.

My homeowner's policy doesn't cover electronics.  So, we purchased 2 new computers, new phone system, and Dish Network sent us a new receiver.  Around this point in time, everyone who called me on a Verizon cell phone started to experience an echo of everything they said.  I called the phone company... my cordless phone or "something else in the house" was at fault, they said.  I've replaced, unplugged, and done a variety of other home remedies in order to make it stop.  People became angry with me because this echo annoyed them and I hadn't fixed it yet.  Well, it's a Verizon problem.  I still get treated impatiently though... as though it's MY fault their phones echo.

Four weeks ago, we had heavy rains and storms.  Suddenly, my husband and daughter get weird delays when calling me.  The phone doesn't ring right away.  They get put into voice mail limbo where they are told that my voice mail isn't set up.  Our conversations became like those on CNN with foreign correspondents - a delay after every sentence, then confusing simultaneous stutters as we try to figure out whose turn it is.  Quite annoying... and AGAIN... they are mad at ME.

Since yesterday, every time I call someone, my phone has a really weird background sound - as though I'm in a metal warehouse with no sound absorption at all.  Today I called a friend and she couldn't hear me at all.

This morning I replaced the last piece of electronic equipment that we still had since the "surge of '09" - the router / modem.  No improvement whatsoever - but 3 hours spent reconfiguring everything in the universe so that World of Warcraft would work again. 

I called the phone company repair service today.  Perfect.  Clear, normal, perfect.

The repairman called me this afternoon... perfect reception.  A miracle happened and he could find no problem whatsoever.

10 minutes later, my daughter called and I was back on foreign assignment.  It's driving me mad... or is it my FAMILY!!  Are they in it together?  Is this some sort of horrifying conspiracy?